I believe in a Higher Power.  I also believe that there are many ways and path to commune and communication with this all encompassing power.  I've come to God out of a very dedicated search.  However, I did really feel God's presence until I stopped searching and started listen.  I've found such joy in Ifa. I've come into Ifa through Buddhism (don't ask me how, it just happened that way).  And I've learned so much through both.  Both have taught me the importance of good character, dedication, and sincereity. Traits that draws me closer to God everyday.

My ideal day would consist of waking up - refreshed and renewed - in time to see the sunrise through my window. I walk over to greet my alter where I sit and meditate with spirit. Then, I walk downstair and go outside on my deck and practice my Capoeira, Muay Thai, or Yoga; or maybe lift some weights before breakfast. My breakfast would be one that I create and not something I toss into the microwave. After breakfast, I start my day by going into my home studio and work on some poster designs and a website for a client. Or I may work from my office at a firm that I run with other graphic/web designer who want to make a change in the world through their various gifts and talents. After hours of producing good work, I retreat into my spacious kitchen adnd whip up delicious dinner and - for dessert - I'll go out to local coffeeshop and unwind with a small group of friends. Or, I may retreat back into my studio and work on a painting with music blaring throughout my home. To end my day, I'll greet my alter again, sit and meditate in beautiful silence, grab a book from my library, get comfortable in my bed, and drift away reading a good book. >sigh<

I can't recall any memories of my grandparents other than seeing through old black and white photos. I do remember that all the elders in my family are/were some the most resilient people that I have even encountered. They're also very spirit-driven in their day - to - day. I have no memories of seeing them "suffer" even when some were laying in a hospital bed with a laundry list of ailments. I guess that comes from that knowing you get when you "walk in the light of God". Or maybe it's the fulfillment they got from seeing their family grow. Back when families saw each other more than twice a year with the exception of the occassional funeral or wedding. I remember summer trips to Fayetteville, Long Island, Durham, or Richmond and wondering into the kitchen to see some of my elders cooking four course meals for a house of thirty folks. Or my elders play spades outdoor on porches or in backyards. I remember my elders pulling us young folks from whatever we were doing to provide the entertainment - i.e. "shows us that new dance ya'll do". I remember one of my aunt laying in a bed she was confinded in for as long as I've seen her. And everytime I would see her, her eyes would light up and her frail arms would reach out to hug me. Her bed was position in the front room. So, the first person you would see was her. And during the baseball season, she would always have the television tuned whatever game was on that day.

You ever get to a point in life where you ask yourself want sustains you? Not what necessary "get's you going" and "get's you out of bed", but that thing or things that feelings innately apart of "you". I've been thinking about that alot lately and was surprised by the quantity of things that I felt sustained my growth as a person. Mind you, I fast forward past the obivous elements that sustains life - air, food, and water. However, I felt a need to take another look at these "oh-so-obivous" things and - when I did - I felt a great sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the planet that creates, replenish, and sustains the food we eat, the air we breath, and the water we drink; and,how we are all connect by this fact. I'm also sustained by the need to create. Creating to me is as essential to me as any act that I can think of. When I create, I'm extremely focused and grounded. I wish I was a fly on the wall when I sketch, or paint, or write cause I can only the imagine the intensity on my face in my actions. However, what I know after I'm done is the sense of accomplishment coupled with the enormous high that floats through my body is what I live for. The act sustains me in how I see my world, how I see myself, and how I interact with both. Creating is my mouthpiece when I feel small and insignificant. It's my mirror when the one in the bathroom feels skewed. It's my lifeline. I was recently talking to a good friend of mine and she was telling me about how the act of movement changed her life. And as I was hearing her talking, I thought about how the same was true for me. Being physical, particularly when I playing capoeira, or lifting weights, or dance to good House music. In moving, I feel unstoppable. I relate to my body in a way that I rarely get a chance to in my day to day. The sweat is so cleansing when it blankets my body and forehead. It's like a reunion of all my senses and bodily functions - everything just coming together to set in motion this beautiful machine called my "body". My senstivity as plays a big role in sustaining me. I didn't appreciate it at first and I still trying to make friends with it now. However, when I feel things - emotions, energy, spirits, etc. - it's to such a degree that, at things, I'm just so wiped out at the day. Now, how - you may ask - does this sustain me. It gives me the opportunity to interact with people beyond the surface level. My senstivity solidifies my emphathy and compassion. It keeps me plugged in to the world. I'm also able to commune with spirit on a level of no pretense or rote. I'm open and sincere to all it has to give and say. But none of these things would mean a thing if it was for my foundation - my family. I've recently moved back home to live with my mom and have been reconnecting with my family - mom, brother, niece, nephew, aunts, uncles, everybody. And I've discovered things about them and myself that I tragically took for granted. The one thing that I discovered is that I come for a clan of creative and tenacious people. It blew my mind when I saw myself in the eyes of my great, great grandmother - wow! I love my family. I also love my created family. It only consist of three people, but I've been blessed by three of the greatest individuals in the whole wide world. My family sustains me by being my foundation, my security blanket, my rock, my lighthouse, my compass. Words can't describe the love I have for them. Creativty, Sweat, Senstivity, and Family an interesting list. However, I could picture my life without any of these things.

Well, the few places that I've been to so far has shown me that I would love to see more of this world - experience new vistas and such.

Work in my sketchbook or on a painting.

I would love to meet more artist in general (graphic/web specifically). At times it feels like I'm creating in a vacumm and would like to see what other folks are doing. I would also like to meet more queer/trans folk. Again, where I live now, I feel rather isolated and haven't found any queer/trans folk I can connect with. I'm really interested in the club scene or the drama mills. Just love to be around good hearted, good natured folks, spirit-driven folk. Music lovers are always good to me. If by chance I could meet some fellow Hip-Hop, Jazz, or House music heads up here, then that would be a "win-win" for me. I don't know, there are alot folks I would like to meet, but these are what comes to mind.